Today is the Day

So today is the day that I'll travel down to Gatwick and stay at a hotel so I'm all ready for the 11:15 flight tomorrow morning. This week has gone so fast and been full of so much. 

To end my last day in Wales until Christmas, I've decided that today ill spend it totally with family. So later, me and a few others are going to go and see the new One Direction film (yes I love them) and then have dinner at my Mum's later for a final goodbye meal and then off to the airport it is!

I'm all packed and ready to go so at least I don't have to stress all about that. 

The main thing I'm panicking about is how Faith is going to react when I say bye bye. It's crazy that after today I won't see her until the end of September, saying I'm going to miss her will be an understatement! Her Dad has been surprisingly nice recently and we've been getting on really well, he even gave me a letter the other day apologising for everything etc which I thought was quite nice. It certainly doesn't mean I'd get back with him though, leaving Wales is also closing the book on my whole relationship with him too which I'm definitely ready for, although he'll still fly out sometimes to see Faith. He's become a lot of a better Dad lately and sorted his life out. 

Today will definitely be full of emotional goodbyes but if there is ever a time where I desperately want to come back then I am allowed 3 weeks personal leave each year I'm on the program so at least I can use some of that. 

I've also been single for just a little over a month now but I don't even know if that really counts anymore because the way me and my ex talk its like we haven't even split up really. Just have to see if things change once I'm away. 

I'm honestly scared about going but I'm got my best friends so I'm sure ill be fine. I'm excited and nervous about going so until I get there I won't know what to expect. 

Wish me luck! 

Beginning of a New Life

So I haven't blogged for a while now because I've been busy packing boxes ready to go away and I also had a mini break to Maga with some friends that I hadn't seen for absolutely ages. 

Since my time in Cardiff is coming to an end pretty soon, I'm getting all emotional recently about leaving everyone behind when I go in a weeks time. 

All my family came together today for lunch and it was amazing to see everyone together, I won't get that again now until Christmas :(  There are so many people I'm going to miss when I go. 

Realising earlier that today marks a month of me being single has also hit me , although I still talk to my ex boyfriend a hell of a lot, because quite frankly I'm very much in love with him. As the term goes 'right love, wrong timing' I think that definitely applies to my situation right now. 

Since my daughter won't be joining me until the end of September, I am absolutely gutted because I'm going to miss her so so much but at least I'll have my brother with me from the very beginning. 

I am looking forward to starting my new adventure even though I'm upset about leaving people behind, but whatever happens is just meant to be. Ill get to meet some incredible people during the next 2 years and finally get to follow my dream. 

Obviously ill keep writing weekly updates of how everything is going whilst I'm away. It's crazy that I've only got a week left here and then bam, gone for 2 years. 

The Conjuring

So tonight I'm going to see a horror film called The Conjuring, I am absolutely shitting myself to be honest. I have read loads of things about it saying its the scariest horror film of the year, it's even worse because its based on true events!

I love going to see horror films and I love scaring myself but I hate going home afterwards because I think that every single thing is out to get me or that something is watching me. 

The worst thing about going is that I've just found out that I'm going to be home alone tonight, I am absolutely crapping my pants now! Honestly I will not sleep one bit, I'm going to try and get someone to stay over but I don't think anyone will :( 

Ill write a review on it later once I've seen it :) 

Whatever the future holds..

Over the past few days, I've come to the conclusion that I should not be left on my own for a long period of time because it causes me to overthink a huge amount. I usually see Joey if I'm bored but we've had a bit of an argument over the past few days, boys do cause so much drama! I also get ridiculously bored which means I write these blog posts which are most probably a load of rubbish.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the future and mainly the wonder of who I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. Its a really girly thought but still, I'm allowed to have those once in a while. Honestly, I do have a lot of growing up to do before I actually settle down because quite frankly, I still act like a 16 year old sometimes.

I do miss being in a relationship, but I know being on my own for a bit will help me out in the long run and I'm gonna prove to myself that I am able to do this. If I see a couple holding hands or whatever in the street, I get a sudden surge of jealousy but I think that's pretty normal for girls. I am quite scared being on my own, I'm not too sure why but I am. I've been watching loads of chick flicks which probably hasn't helped either but I'm also forcing my brothers to watch them with me tomorrow too which I'm sure they will love.

I'm glad I've got such a good relationship with my brothers, they do annoy the hell out of me sometimes, especially because I live with one of them, but when it comes down to it they'd do anything for me and they are great Uncles too.

I'm rambling on about such random stuff but I am seriously so so bored, I literally have nothing to do, its just a waiting game up until I go to Florida now, which has now been changed to 1st September!

I am looking forward to it, but I am gonna miss a few people so much, it'll definitely put a few relationships to the test!

My Bucket List

So recently I've been thinking of all the things that I want to accomplish before I die, some are pretty big things and then other things can be completed easily. I think creating a bucket list allows you to achieve more things in your life which is exactly why I'm doing it. I've looked at other bucket list in order to get some inspiration for mine, some peoples are pretty out there!

Anyway, here is mine, its fairly long so I've got a lot to accomplish!

1. Kiss in the Rain
2. Drive a Jet-ski
3. Walk on the Great Wall of China
4. Spend Valentine's Day in Paris
5. Get Married
6. Own an Audi
7. Drive in an Audi R8
8. Spend NYE in New York
9. Own a House
10. Have 3 Children in total
11. Meet Emily Sassoon
12. See a Shooting Star
13. Go to Sydney
14. Do the Colour Run
15. Get a Dog
16. Dip dye my hair
17. Go to Niagara Falls
18. Go to Harry Potter Studios
19. Go to Madame Tussaud's
20. Buy a Juicy Couture tracksuit
21. Get my nose pierced
22. Get another matching tattoo
23. Kiss under the mistletoe
24. Go on a Road Trip
25. Go to Newcastle
26. Jump into a pool fully clothed
27. Write a book
28. See the Grand Canyon
29. Go to Ireland for St Patrick's Day
30. See my children get married
31. Go to Mardi Gras
32. Be a Maid of Honour
33. Go dog sledding
34. Be proposed to
35. Make a rainbow cake
36. Move in with someone I love
37. Eat at Nando's
38. Go paint balling
39. Spend July 4th in America
40. Scuba Dive on The Great Barrier Reef
41. Slow Dance in the Kitchen
42. Ride a Camel
43. Have sex in a car
44. Kiss with popping candy
45. Go to Las Vegas
46. Attend a Baseball Game
47. Go to all 7 Continents
48. Eat Pasta in Italy
49. Read every Nicholas Sparks book
50. Be genuinely happy
51. Lay under the stars with someone I love
52. Kiss underwater
53. Have my kids grow up in a happy, stable family unit
54. Go to Bora Bora
55. Go on holiday as a couple
56. Go Ice- skating
57. Get over my fear of thunderstorms
58. Put a padlock on the love bridge in Paris
59. Go to a drive in cinema
60. See Cirque Du Soleil

Hopefully I'll be able to do all of these by the time I die, I don't think its too difficult (I hope!)

2am Blog Post

So this blog post doesn't really mean anything, I'm just bored because I'm home alone. 

I hate being home alone, it freaks me out, I always think there's something in the dark so I have to keep like every single light on so I don't freak out as much. I'm so glad that I haven't been to see The Conjuring yet which is apparently really scary, so I'm pleased that I didn't see it last night. 

My best friend, Chelsea, came over for the weekend and went back home earlier today, my brother is staying at his girlfriends and my daughter is at her Dad's. I literally asked so many people to come over but everyone's busy and has work tomorrow which sucks. 

I'm 21 years old and can't even handle a night by myself, it's so stupid. All I've been doing is literally watching repeats of Geordie Shore, Teen Mom and 90210. I even created a HUGE list of things I wanna do before i die, a bucket list, which I'll probably put up on here later this week. 

Also being on my own makes me overthink every single situation in my life, even stuff from like 5 years ago. I've realised how much I miss my most recent ex which kinda sucks but we still talk which is good cause I couldn't imagine my life without him now. 

I am really tired now so I should probably go to bed but I want a cuddle buddy to come keep me safe. 

This is probably really boring to read but I'm bored so its keeping me occupied xo